Cuts Nothing To Worry About Says New Army Chief Captain Mainwaring

As the Tory Government ponder army cuts that could see its numbers cut by 12,000, the new man in charge says we have nothing to fear.

Captain Mainwaring Army CutsCaptain Mainwaring, a highly decorated veteran of many wars serving in the BBC Regiment, says the British Army and the other forces will be well equipped for any situation and it’s men and women will be of the highest caliber.

Speaking outside of his house in Walmington-On-Sea, Captain Mainwaring said the hard wood used to make the equipment will be of the highest quality saying the spears and batons the forces will use against the likes of the Russians and North Koreans will never let us down.


He also stated that in the Navy the 2 new aircraft carriers currently being built will be constructed from the finest quality iron and the rivets being used to join the metal was being hammered into place by the strongest of men.

HMS Windows XP,  the first to be launched, will be a state of  the art carrier capable of firing any paper plane using the best elastic bands.

When asked about the subject of defense minister Tobias Elwood and his threat to quit if the cuts go ahead, Mr Mainwaring said he could not possibly comment on any matters in Whitehall and had to rush of to his day job at the bank.

When BangsThought contacted Mrs May on the subject of the cuts and Tobias Elwood threatening to quit, she cackled with laughter and said 1 down, 11,999 to go.


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